World News

LOS ANGELES — The Grammys descended into chaos Sunday night after pop star Chappell Roan casually revealed on the red carpet that she had been “bit by a zombie earlier today.”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” Roan said, adjusting her dress. “But it’s, like… kinda oozing.”

Within minutes, Grammys security escalated from “checking wristbands” to “full CDC containment,” reportedly replacing metal detectors with flamethrowers and converting the VIP lounge into a quarantine zone.

Taylor Swift was seen sprinting away holding 14 Grammys as weapons.

Celebrities responded with the bravery expected of people who require a publicist to order coffee:

• Drake asked if zombies were “industry plants"
• Billie Eilish whispered, “I knew this would happen”
• Morgan Wallen attempted to fight the undead outside a Raising Cane’s

Despite the apocalypse, the Recording Academy released a statement confirming:

“The show will continue as planned. The show must go on, even in the event of societal collapse.”

Washington officials are already drafting emergency legislation titled:

The Bipartisan Zombie Accountability and Vibes Restoration Act

“It’s important we come together,” said one senator, “unless the zombies are woke.”

At press time, the Grammys had resumed as normal, with producers assuring viewers:

“Please remain calm. Up next: Best Pop Vocal Album, followed by the end of civilization.”